I hate 9GAG.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

I hate 9GAG.

theguywhoisnormal:

If you believe you’re a hip internet user who’s up to date with the latest trends on the Internet, you’ve probably heard of 9GAG. If you haven’t, go fuck yourself. Wait; either way, go fuck yourself. The Internet isn’t limited to overused memes and the biggest social networks, and definitely doesn’t revolve around them, you smug bastard.

Anyway.

9GAG, as you probably do know, is one of the fastest growing web communities in the webculture. In fact, they’re growing so fast, the users are beginning to challenge the places that have come to define popular webculture itself - such as 4chan.

And I mean, since they’re growing so rapidly, there must be a reason to their success, right? They have every right to claim to be the new place to be, right? And anyway, shouldn’t 4chan, old and worn out, really consider giving up their place?

No.

The long answer?

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Alright, admittedly it’s a good idea. It’s a place to hang out, y’know - where you can get your daily injection with as few clicks as possible of laughter and Internet stuff.

But the real thing is a real stinking whore that must be intermittently be killed with fire.

First of all, there’s the arrogance of the communitards. They, in their own little world of hormones, think they’re in some sort of hippie family in a world of corruption, darkness, and *shudder* /b/. They think they’re part of a unique place that matches to the ideals and structure of places like Reddit, tumblr, and 4chan.

HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAH! “Unique”! Strange, isn’t it! A place that works under processed memes, recycled comics, and stories nobody gives a crap about thinks they’re unique! The comment section isn’t a place for philosophical thought. Not even a single “Hahahahah!! That’s FUNNY XDXDXDXDXDDDXDXXXD”. No, fuck a dog, it’s the worst comment section that has ever befallen on our planet. Not even Sarah Palin’s Facebook wall is worse than the board, which is essentially a bunch of people posting on their Facebook accounts with their profile pictures in all their posing glory, where “NOPE CHUCK TESTA” and “LIKE A BOSS” are repeated until the sixth cycle of Hell.

Also, the structure.

It’s partly Reddit. It has a voting system, a “hot” page, and a uploading place where users can opt in. It’s partly tumblr too, with its expressionism and harsh feeling alongside the funny stuff. It’s also part 4chan, with its inside references and its community mentality.

But that’s the least it is.

First of all, at least Reddit has multiple boards. Not only is 9GAG a ripoff of its form, (though admittedly Reddit could be a ripoff of a similar design) it’s essentially a single board, cluttered with new posts every fucking second, and a “hot” board that doesn’t work the way it should. If the board had a name, it would be called “Pathetic Dribble”.

tumblr, too, is consistent with its expression; it’s unique, too, and provides original content, though it might be hard to understand if you’re not cool. (don’t worry, that makes me uncool too) The 9GAG community is not only unoriginal in every sense, but it also claims to be the hub and place where memes breed. Actually, it’s the place where they come to be raped and mutilated, but oh well.

And 4chan… Is pretty much the inverse of 9GAG. Here, they strive for anonymity and intelligent debate, (partly) while 9GAG commuters keep self-pleasuring themselves and oh-so-bravely going outside of the line on saying “Well YOU have no life” and then casually remarking “Oh and welcome to the 9GAG family :)” to show a human side of them next to that badass alias that they oh-so-clearly presented in that last sentence.

Also, they block their swears with asterisks. No fucking kidding, they believe that using them is the work of the devil and that using the whole word is going to cause some serious sh*t to go down.

Finally, another reason I just hate 9GAG is that they’re pretty much like an helpless kid who was bread-fed with too much “you’re stronger than those bullies in the heart” propaganda when they were little. Right now, they’ve pissed off quite a few /b/tards, and said /b/tards are about to consider putting serious damage on the site.

But still, the community presses on, going “wE HAVE MORE SITE TRAFFIC THAN YOU DO, GTFO OFF THE INTERWEBS” and “WAAAAAAAAH IM CALLING TE INTRNET POLIS”, though they really have no Internet power. If I asked, they probably won’t even know what a DDoS is. I’m still wondering how a website full of stupendous people like them can ever possibly put 4chan to the ground. Actually, what they most realistically are doing is doing them a favour by removing all the people who think 4chan is a “cool place to hang out” because that’s where all the memes come from - essentially the people who are actually ruining the spirit of the website.

I don’t know, really; whether 9GAG deserves to exist or not. Website patriotism is the worst bugger in the world, along with Crocs and Papyrus font, but as long as they don’t stain my Internet experience with their idea of “family”, then they should be able to keep their little tumour of a website. Them threatening 4chan is actually quite amusing, really.